In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
