if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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