is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
