It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
now i know why i became what i already was.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
