we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
