She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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