i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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