I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
