can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
