We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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