I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
