i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
