my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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