i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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