if i died would you start the facebook group?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
