I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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