She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
