A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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