I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
