Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
