we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
