Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
