I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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