He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Found the puke drawer
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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