Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
