What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
