The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
