There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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