The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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