my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
