so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
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Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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