Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
