i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
