so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
