im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You made out with two different species that night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
