there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
