Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
