i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
