The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
