can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
