I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They took my balls.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
