Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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