WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
