Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
