sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
