Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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