Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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