his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
