When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize