nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
