Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
