So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
