So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize