they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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