would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
