This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
