I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
