girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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