so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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