Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
