I showed him my bush... on skype.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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