He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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