No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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