That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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