he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
