plz talk dirty to me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
