1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cut my penus on the lid.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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