He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
